Just a Girl Who Once Fell in Love with a Boy

The Lovings of Virginia

Dylan and I have been married since 1998-- 10 whole years of (mostly) wedded bliss! When we married in May 1998, a marriage between someone like him and someone like me had been legal in this country for not quite 30 years. When I say "someone like him," I mean a Caucasian American male, and "someone like me" being an Asian American female. In the same year that my husband's parents married, 1966, it would have been quite illegal for Dylan and I to do the same in many states. Amazing and sad and true.

I was reminded of all of this today when I was reading an online tribute to famous people who died in 2009. One of those people was Mildred Loving, who passed away in May of this year. I would guess that very few people knew who she was. I learned about Mildred Loving in college while writing a paper on interracial marriages in the U.S. in the 20th century for a US history course. In 1958 Mildred Jeter, a black woman, married Richard Loving, a white man, in Washington DC, where it was legal to do so, and then drove home to Virginia, where it was not. They were in jail within a month. They avoided a one year prison sentence by agreeing to leave the state of Virginia for 25 years. And their marriage was still considered illegal in over half of the states.

In 1967, the US Supreme Court ruled in the landmark case of Loving v. Virginia that all anti-miscegenation rules were unconstitutional, ending the Lovings' 4 year legal battle to be able to return to the place they knew as home in Virginia. For eight years, the Lovings lived happily ever after, until Richard Loving was killed by a drunk driver. They had been married for 17 years.

Mildred preferred to stay away from the limelight for the rest of her life. She also said that "you see so many" interracial couples now, that they hardly turn heads or cause comment anymore. However, last year on the 40th anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, she issued a rare public comment on same-sex marriages:

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.

It's a privilege to be married to my husband, whom I chose to marry and who chose to marry me, and how fortunate we are to have been given that freedom in the first place. Today I am thankful for the Lovings and their marriage, which got us to where we are today. Mildred and Richard could have lived out the rest of their marriage under the radar, in exile from the place they called home, but chose instead to fight for the right of any woman to marry any man she loves anywhere in this country.

Dylan & Melissa

It's amazing to me as well that we have our new President-elect Obama who is himself the product of a biracial marriage (fortunately his parents lived in one of the handful of states that never enacted anti-miscegenation laws). How far our society has come to catch up with the reality of courtship and marriage, that love is color-blind, however cliche that is, and can't be reined in by rules or definitions of what is socially acceptable. Mildred Loving was, in her own words, "just a girl who once fell in love with a guy."